It's been a while since I posted anything on the blog, a while since I did any drawing or artwork at all. In January, my mother went into the hospital, later to a nursing home, and passed away at the end of February. She was 85, had lived a good long life and was ready to go. But even though we were expecting it, it hasn't been easy. I miss her terribly and sometimes I just have to cry.
It's been hard to get back into any kind of routine, even now, a month and a half later. My mind is muddled lots of times and everything seems harder. I'd begun to wonder if I'd ever get back to drawing.
Today, in trying to catch up on emails, I read an email from Danny Gregory, who began the yahoo group Everyday Matters after he wrote a book by the same name. The email was a couple of weeks old. Danny's wife had died the week before and, even in his grief, he was encouraging the members of the group not to give up on their artwork, even if it had been a while since they'd drawn anything or if they didn't feel they had any artistic talent. He emphasized that it is noticing and appreciating the little things that occur each day that make life enjoyable. Taking the time to draw what we see becomes a way to record those memories and find beauty and meaning in an everyday moment.
I also read a blog post from another member who observed that she'd learned to appreciate the "dull" colors of the palette because they make the brighter colors really pop in comparison. She has also begun to see the valleys we go through as a time to really see the mountaintop when it comes. In other words, going through difficult times is like those dull, drab colors; they make the good times even better.
So a combination of the words of these two people and the vivid colors of spring and a somewhat less muddy brain finally got me drawing again.
Today would have been my sister Sharan's birthday. We lost her 5 years ago to cancer. I've been feeling that loss more intensely today, along with missing Mother, whose birthday is also in April. So I decided to draw one for both of them. Flowers seem appropriate for them both, this a stargazer lily for Sharan, a pink rose for Mother, but it didn't turn out well at all so maybe I'll try it again tomorrow.
One of the things I'm missing about Mother is she was my greatest fan. No matter what I brought to show her, a drawing, a quilt square, a good grade on a test, she loved it. She would get that little grin and say, "Oh, I'm so proud of you!" Thank you, Mother, for your words of encouragement!
Though I know my paintings don't do justice to the beauty I stared at for hours, I had such a good time. I was able to lose myself in the artwork for a few hours. I will do more painting en plein air.
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